1 post tagged “amputee”
Why am I the way I am?? As I sit here and down an adderall and a tylonal 3 I'm feeling a little philisophical. When I was burned as a child how did it affect who I am today? Is that why I need norcotics and stimulates to get me to feel normal? For those of you who don't know - I was burned, BAD, when I was 3 - the same age as Avereigh. I had 3rd degree burns on %80 of my little body, I had a leg amputated (I'm going this afternoon to be fitted for a new prosthesis!).
I was supposed to die. The odds were completely against me, and to this day I'm baffled as to WHY?? Why me? Why did I make it? Why did I beat the odds? Here are some interesting numbers - Only %28 of pediatic burn survivors go on to graduate high school, I did. %5 complete college, that makes me feel a little better, I guess. It's weird the only %28 had long term partners - I wonder if it was the same %28 who graduated high school. "Females endorsed significantly more externalizing and total problems, specifically withdrawn behaviors(check), somatic complaints(check), thought problems(check), aggressive behavior(check check), and delinquent behavior(check-ola)" Wow, why did I have to find that out myself? I HOPE that it's because this information wasnt available when I was spending my days in hospitals, etc. Seriously, I feel a little jipped thinking there is somethign wrong with me and not knowing what or why, when there it is in black and white, You can't just go through hell - literally - as a three year old and expect to come out and just live your life as if nothings happened. Which is what I've been doing, and whats been expected of me. No one has ever sat down with me and asked me how I'm doing, how is my life? It's amazing really. My parents were always there for me, they were amazing actually - but did it never occour to them to get me some counsoling, or sooooomething? I take that bad - I specifically remember a psychologist telling my mom when I was 5 or so, she's fine, theres nothing I can do to help her, shes a normal kid, treat her that way. I was screaming inside though, I sure as hell wasnt going to let anyone know though. It's complicated, I guess.
Annnnyway, I'm making an apt. today - I hope I can get it all worked out, I wish I could find someone dealed with treating pediatric burn survivors - I'd be really interested in hearing what they think, and know. Maybe I'll call the burn center later.
I know what you all are thinknig too - I neeeeed to get out and help others. I do. I just dont think I'm ready yet. I need to get myself figured out, I need to learn more, and once thats done I might just write a book or something :)
Wow - Ive never gotten all that out before - thanks vox! :)
Ok, I cant stop googling. It looks like they are really doing a lot more with the behavioral aspects of pediatric burn survivors - that makes me happy.
Here's a pic, as you can see, I don't looook psychotic - I only
feeeeeel that way. By the way, if you say to me, Youre still beautiful
on the inside, despite how you look on the outside. You are NOT my
friend anymore.
